7 Dirty Quotes

In memory of George Carlin, The Full Effect presents seven quotes that you should live your life by. Please be aware that these philosophical quips can be vulgar, lewd, crude, dirty, and off-color. Oh hell, quit being a pussy and hit the jump.

“Whoever coined the phrase ‘let the buyer beware’ was probably bleeding from the asshole.”

– You’re All Diseased (1999)

“(On the topic of flight attendants) Sometimes, they actually refer to these people as ‘uniformed crewmembers’. Ah, uniformed, as opposed to the guy sitting next to me in the Grateful Dead t-shirt and the Fuck You hat… who’s working on his ninth little bottle of Kahlua, I might add.”

– Jammin’ In New York (1992)

“Someone was quite interested in these words. They kept referring to them: they called them bad, dirty, filthy, foul, vile, vulgar, coarse, in poor taste, unseemly, street talk, gutter talk, locker room language, barracks talk, bawdy, naughty, saucy, raunchy, rude, crude, lude, lascivious, indecent, profane, obscene, blue, off-color, risqué, suggestive, cursing, cussing, swearing… and all I could think of was: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits!”

– On Location: George Carlin at Phoenix (1978)

“Here’s another group of mutants with missing chromosomes who ought to be thrown screaming from a helicopter. Gun enthusiasts. ‘Yeah, I’m a gun enthusiast.’ Oh yeah? Well I’m a blowjob enthusiast. Wanna see me shoot? Cock this and I’ll discharge a load for you.”

– Complaints & Grievances (2001)

“It’s called the American Dream. Because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

– Life Is Worth Losing (2005)

“A maniac will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo. A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he’ll be wearing a bunny suit at the time.”

– Back In Town (1996)

“(On people who think rape isn’t funny) I say fuck you! I think it’s hilarious, how do you like that? I can PROVE to you that rape is funny! Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd!”

– Doin’ It Again (1990)

Rest in peace, you crazy old coot.

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