Blunders of Humankind – Movie Mistakes, Part 1

Entertainment is the backbone of any culture of civilization. and movies are a major part of that definition; if there’s one thing you and your enemy could agree on, it’s that “Jack Nicholson sure is a great actor,” or “man does ‘A Knight’s Tale’ have a sweet soundtrack.” So with this knowledge you also can expect the curve in the opposite direction. For every great movie there is an equally bad one, it’s almost a 50-50 clip now on the ratio of good to bad films.

That isn’t to say that every critically-panned movie is bad, hell, critics apparently hate a lot of movies I like, and vice versa. Like it or not, the world needs movies that aren’t three hour epics of walking (see: Lord of the Rings) or films that have so much (for lack of a better term) raging against the machine.

I don’t hate universally praised movies, by any means. I just also like what many people would call “mindless” movies, not everything can be a bonafide classic, so sometimes I just like to watch things that aren’t worth much merit but the two hours you invest into them.

However, you can’t make excuses for these movies you’re about to see. As I expressed, even bad movies are needed, as someone out there is going to want to see something even if the majority doesn’t really care to watch it. This list isn’t about the worst movies, rather the most pointless ones. Even really horrible movies serve at least a purpose of satisfying a few.

On this edition of Blunders of Humankind, it’s the top 12 most pointless movies. The following films are in a class of their own… the top 12 ‘Movie Mistakes.’ You might disagree with my picks, but why even read it if you already know what to expect?

As I said earlier, I am throughly entertained by many movies that people may find stupid or unbelievable for the most part, but even I have to draw lines. My two favorite genres of action and horror are notorious for those involved in the production to not even try to make a quality movie. So little need to say, you’ll find a lot of that through this list.

The following list isn’t in any particular order, but let it be known that the final three (in part 2) will be organized from “worst” to “I’d rather play Russian roulette.”

Enough talk, let’s get this going!

Witless Protection

Just when you thought Larry the Cable Guy wouldn’t star in an action movie, Larry the Cable Guy stars in an action movie. Yeah, that’s right, Larry the Cable Guy wasn’t annoying enough being a pull-string quote comedy act, now he’s starring in a heee-larious movie where he’s a protector and body guard of a girl that normally wouldn’t even take a second glance at him.

I know this movie is fairly new, but that isn’t something that should take it off this list or anything. Does anybody really want to see Larry the Cable Guy not know how to use a gun or follow protocol properly (and he’s a sheriff!!) or learn a valuable lesson in life? Does anybody want to see Larry the Cable Guy do anything?

Expect rehash catchphrases and humor that makes a kindergartener roll their eyes. If anybody finds this movie funny, they need to stop reading right here, because it’s only getting worse from now on.

Bring It On: In It to Win It

While I never seen it, the original Bring It On seemed like a pretty good idea, to have a movie over the politics and life of cheerleaders, can’t say that’s not original.

But this isn’t the original, this is apparently the THIRD SEQUEL to this franchise! I just learned this like, 10 minutes ago, and it’s still surprising to me. Does anybody really want to see these movies four times? I can’t imagine each one is too different. That is why ‘Bring It On: In It to Win It’ is a perfect example of this list. It can’t possibly be the worst movie ever (right?) but it sure can be so forgettable that nobody even knows it exists; I am pretty sure the people who made it didn’t even know they were making it. They just thought they were filming a Pepsi commercial.

I didn’t include the second movie in the series in this list, solely because the movie has the most honest and truest of all sequel titles: Bring It on Again.

Dead Dudes in the House

This is the only movie on this list that I can possibly forgive and give credit to. Just say the title out loud right now.

This is a Troma released movie, so you know that it’s going to have

A.) A low budget

B.) Acting found in elementary school plays

C.) Self-awareness of the flaws

So, all in all, Dead Dudes in the House is pretty much what you’d expect, I mean, bunch of guys on the cover are probably all zombie bait to that hideous looking zombie in the window…

Except this is not true, none of the actors on the box are in the movie! And that pissed off grandma-zombie-demon thing? That’s from another Troma movie Rabid Grannies, so she’s not in the movie either!

So as far as I know, this whole thing is one big joke by Troma, the box art can hint at that enough! The people that are responsible for the Toxic Avenger are knowingly accepting to the horrible movies they produce and publish… so this can’t be all bad. However, if you really think about it, Dead Dudes in the House is a true movie mistake, nobody ever asked for it, after all.

Space Zombie Bingo

Troma is at it again, only this time nobody on Earth knows what this is. At least ‘Dead Dudes’ had a general enough idea behind it, this? Well, apparently alien zombies are invading, so who else but to call but bikini-clad gun toting warriors? I guess. Troma Studios is proof that anybody can make a movie if they make a home video that’s over 60 minutes long.

I could do this whole series from Troma movies alone, but those two really stick out, and you can actually buy these horrible movies in a three-pack set! I think I’m going to.

All right, we’re done with Troma, what’s not to like about them? To add onto their reputation, just check their website and tell me that they aren’t aware they suck and are proud of it.

American Psycho 2

This right here is a perfect definition of when the people who came up with this movie had no idea about the point or purpose of the original American Psycho. The first was based off a very graphic, controversial and many claim demented book, portrayed in a great performance by Christian Bale (as Patrick Bateman) about a serial killer’s life and his many fantasies, as well as the results of actually doing them, which usually end in stylized, sexual murder. Overall it is a great movie that I recommend checking out, but not for the weak at heart. So, why not make a sequel…

Too bad the movie sequel has nothing to do with the original at all, in storyline or in the messages, purpose or theme. Not to mention that American Psycho didn’t do well money-wise… so, why make a sequel again? It’s a slasher movie with a girl as the killer, nothing else can be said about it. If it were up to me, I’d title this one “American Psycho 2: Psycho Harder.”

For the record, it stars Mila Kunis and is directed by Morgan Freeman.


Nope, Morgan J. Freeman. Oh.

Howling III: The Marsupials

The “Howling” series are popular werewolf movies, well, the first one anyway. Nobody is for sure on what happened to the movies, but the original is a classic, and was directed by a well-praised horror director in Joe Dante.

The Howling movies have like seven sequels now, and none of them are as horrible as the third, what makes this one so pointless? I’m just going to end my statement here about this movie with a quote from the IMDb synopsis:

A strange race of human-like marsupials appear suddenly in Australia, and a sociologist who studies these creatures falls in love with a female one.

Marsupials? In werewolf movies?

At least the cover is cool, I guess that’s something.

If you thought these were pointless (they are), just wait for part 2, including the final and top 6 ‘Movie Mistakes’ ever coming in a few weeks!


4 Responses to “Blunders of Humankind – Movie Mistakes, Part 1”

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