More Blunders of Humankind – Bad Toys

Toys are something all children should not be without. Imagine your childhood without any toys, action figures or even dolls. Not a good thing to go without during those crucial years of growth. Back in those days, “after school” meant that it was time to pull out your legion of heroes and make them face off against the villain figures. It didn’t matter if Superman’s sidekick was Orko, or if Voltron was piloted by the Ninja Turtles; toys were all about creating your own adventures.

What happens, though, when toys are so bad that even they can’t be seen as worthy sidekicks, drones or even hapless victims? Take a click on the jump to adventure with me on some horrible action figures. Who would want these things? Getting coal is better than getting these.

For one reason or another, these toys suck. Let’s cut this brief and just go down the list of some toys that, if gotten, might end up needing a wound to be cauterized.

Starswar: Uzay – Chewbacca Action Figure

Some might not like how I put a bootleg Turkish figure on here, but this can go without saying, just look at it. The name of the figure line alone can make this worthy of 15 ravish humiliations. This UZAY STARSWAR Chewbacca might just be credible enough to pass as Chewbacca’s Wookiee brother, but even that’s a stretch.

To me it looks more like Chewbacca’s distant (very distant) relative decided he was going to go a little more “goth” on his fur color because of his incredibly bright eyes and teeth. Perhaps UZAY STARSWAR line is actually an alternative storyline to the Star Wars universe. The Imperials might have won and changed the entire galaxy for the worse of humanity (including forcing him to don the official Imperial army colors, thus the darkness is explained), but at least Sebulba is still undefeated.

MC Hammer 12″ Doll

I’m a fan of MC Hammer, but this is just insane. How many people bought this thing? Probably not a lot given the fact that it is a doll of MC Hammer. This toy came with a VHS tape with some exclusive songs on it. A lot of toys came with a VHS with short episodes on it, but a VHS with some songs on it? Great idea for the Hammer. I really wonder if girls bought this thing to pair up with their Barbies. It could have been a nice way to reenact some music videos. Look at his shine!

Apparently, this MC Hammer doll was the equivalent size of God in action figure size. It’s time to recognize this as a sign to bring on the 12″ 50 Cent dolls to fill that generation gap.

Sleeping Little Nicky Action Figure from McFarlane Toys

I just don’t know what Todd McFarlane was thinking on this one. They make great, realistic figure lines of popular athletes, movie, TV, musicians and comic book characters… then they go and make an action figure of Little Nicky sleeping. LITTLE NICKY. SLEEPING.

It’s not enough they made toys from Little Nicky, but apparently one must have a toy of Adam Sandler sleeping in his or her collection. Weirdo.

Happy Days Ralph Malph Action Figure

Straight from the “ideas that should have never left the bathroom” category comes a hybrid doll and action figure combo from your favorite character on the television classic comedy Happy Days, Ralph Malph!

This figure would be best suited for being a victim for Skeletor to annihilate and kill in order to make an example to He-Man along the lines of “hey, I might be evil, but everyone hates Ralph Malph enough that his death is enough to want to call a truce of differing lifestyles or opinions!” Everybody wins.

If you want to have this figure, I hate you.

Last on our list (yeah, it’s been fun, but there will be more in the future) is actually something from my own personal “collection” that I have.

WCW Diecast Car – Konnan

This is just one of those things that shouldn’t have existed. Can you think of a reason for this existing? I can’t come up with one good reason for this Konan WCW diecast car. I think even the wrestler himself would laugh at this thing, especially that giant picture of his face on the car hood! Maybe Ralph Malph would drive this car.

In my newest theory, this car isn’t even real and is trying to trick us into thinking it’s real. How else can you explain the thoughts behind it?

Believe it or not, it just gets worse from here. I am sure you never thought you’d find a Konnan diecast car, or a sleeping Adam Sandler historically preserved, but things are just looking worse from here on out.


4 Responses to “More Blunders of Humankind – Bad Toys”

  1. Destruction-Overdrive Says:

    Lmfao, Konnan Diecast Car. I got all my toys from my childhood. Im just jealous that none of the are as dumb as that Konnan Diecast Car

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