The Myth of ‘Basketball Jesus’

(Article best read while listening to “Jesus Saves” by Slayer)

Here are sets of facts that you may make your own conclusions with about the ‘Basketball Jesus.’

Pau Gasol:



  • He is from Spain
  • He use to play for the Grizzlies (’01-’08)
  • Is consistent for an average of 20 points and 10 rebounds per game
  • Very athletic, can post up and shoot
  • Laker fans use to call him soft and make fun of him, yet now they love him, because of the fact that they now have him
  • Isn’t soft anymore because of his current team
  • Looks like a rapist (even before joining the Lakers… sorry, Kobe didn’t rub off and/or on him)
  • Looks like Jesus

Gasol has always been a consistent player in this league and a threat; the only problem is his team never truly was. He has never even won a playoff game, which is surprising to say the least, but that will probably change this year.

His career story:

  • He was liked by a few people in Memphis and was never truly respected by the fans
  • He was then sacrificed to the Lakers for Kwame Brown, which really caused the blood to flow in the Grizzlies organization
  • Once he got to LA, his career was resurrected to the point where everyone thinks he is a messiah
  • Now he is injured and everyone is waiting for the day he comes back and destroys the league
  • Casual fans like him now

The Irony on the whole thing is how his rebirth resided in one of the most liberal and secular progressive cities in the US. Maybe we should get Bill O’Reilly on the story and find out what those lefties are up to. We don’t want Jesus being used by those horrible non-conservatives. The last thing we would want is to have a faith figure being used to project someone’s values as what everyone else should do/be.


One Response to “The Myth of ‘Basketball Jesus’”

  1. pyrohazard Says:

    Does that make Jesus a rapist then?

    Christ, no wonder there are so many kiddy fiddlers getting into the priesthood.

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