Bumper Sticker Reform

Bumper Sticker Bonanza!

These days in contemporary America, you’ll be hard pressed to find someone on the highway who ISN’T telling you who they voted for and why they want you to “fuck off” in the form of a 11.5″ x 3″ inch piece of adhesive with writing on it. Today, I am diving head first into the bumper stick culture phenomenon with my own spin added to it.

There are many ways to express how you feel about a certain issue and Americans, as creative as they are, have found another avenue to express their opinions on unwilling strangers: bumper stickers. It’s the 21st century form of speaking your mind condensed into a couple of sentences and paraphrases. Just recently, it dawned on me (after seeing someone in front of me who had a ‘Annoy a Liberal’ sticker on their crusty Jeep…) that this form of expression is something I need to get into, to express MY opinions on topical issues…

Feel free to use any of the following as your future bumper sticker!

For instance, I need to assert to everyone on the road that I am a strong advocate of what I believe in. I am terribly sorry that you don’t agree with me but we need to assess this: My political beliefs are not so much as beliefs but infallible fact. Deal with it.

Edgy. As. F*ck.

Sometimes though, simple neurotic rhetoric isn’t going to get through some thick headed types so I made this instead. When you need to be abrasive, being edgy and offensive is an avenue to take. Tell the world they are not worth your time (even if you’re implying on the contrary by having this on your car…) by insulting the driver behind you. Remember, it’s not edgy if the bumper sticker isn’t black and white like the world seems to be.

Novelty Stores

Black and white concepts also work with brutal honesty too.

Dialogue on my car

Though it is wise to use long winded dialogue and diatribe to get your point across.

If vulgar bumper stickers are not your bag, what about something a bit more productive? like political campaign stickers? Hey, it’s the election year and we are all rooting for that special someone to be in office and mend the wounds inflicted by our past administration we raged against our voting machines at.

Vote Ron Nader Paul!

That special someone of course doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in a microwave oven, but you vote for him/her anyway. Who cares if his plans as president is a little unorthodox and doesn’t mold within the confines of societal expectations? You’re a goddamn rebel and your choices of candidacy reflect that. So go, unique snowball, pester everyone on your college campus to vote for Fringe Candidate! He is, after all, the only hope for America.

Apathy ‘08

Then again, not everyone is fit to go to the voting ballots and your peers who did vote got free schwag like bumper stickers and pins of their own, so why not you as well? Celebrate your political ineptitude!

Less of 2 Evils

Political ineptitude, however, doesn’t exclude from doing your duty as a Libertarian to inform and alert the less-educated sheeple to not vote for the other guy. You have your reasons (He voted for video game regulation, he wants warrant less searches, he looks funny, etc.) and your whistle blower finesse will hopefully have everyone by your side, guns drawn, when the inevitable police state arrives on your front door step in 2012.

Political escapades are not for everyone. As we all know, we live in a culturally diverse world of people who just want to inform everyone how hot/cute/sexy/slutty they are. We, at the Full Effect, understand that and created this for the MySpace generation…


Granted, it’s a little vague but we at TFE believe that the person behind you who reads this will surely come up with the conclusion that you’re a fun, easy going easy lay girl. The pink colors just intensifies this reasoning.

No really, it did.

Not everyone is destined to be a poppy, flirty 20-something so we accommodated something for the struggling college student and the working dude who hauls logs all day. Be proud that the radiator didn’t fall off!


… And finally, for the traveling salesman whose in desperate need of sponsorship (psst, us!), slap this sucker on. Employers will be so impressed by your innovative way of spreading the word that’ll you’ll be hired as their creative director for marketing!

What’s great about bumper stickers is that there is a little something for everyone. From the edgy to the politically involved. I hope my ideas will some day bring global peace and that the fractures between us become taped and patched up… with millions of bumper stickers!


2 Responses to “Bumper Sticker Reform”

  1. You know all those stickers are fake on that car right? Poorly, I might add.

  2. Who gives a damn? That’s not the point of the article!

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