2012. Yeah That’s Right Mofo’s, It’s Coming!

(Article best read while listening to “Ha Ha You’re Dead” by Green Day)

December 21st, 2012… what is this?

In just about 4 years (give or take 6 months either way) the world is going to go insane again, regardless of the fact that probably nothing will happen. But either way, the stakes for this mass-chaos threat that will dawn on us out of fear is going to be much higher then some computer problems that Y2K promised us.

Now, is a big difference between Y2K and 2012:

Y2K was man made. 2012 is something predicted thousands of years ago by a pretty damn advanced civilization, if you think about it. They knew a shitload about stars and other shit. It would make sense that they could foresee the scat storm that is going to come.

But overall, 2012 is different from Y2K for one big reason: IT’S UNCONTROLLABLE. 2012 is dealing with the planets and the stars… it’s going to be much easier for the humanity panic wagon to be started up. It’s going to be all over the news, and guess what? There still isn’t anything for us to do about it in the end! Both in regards to stopping “whatever” will happen and the massive amount of press coverage it will get.

The actual theory that something major will happen to our planet is put forward on the bases of something broader then our current knowledge, or something like that. At least during Y2K we had the ability to say “Lawl, we got our computer programmers Y2King-proof our system!”

With 2012, we are going to be so afraid because we can’t do jack shit… though in some ways that is actually good!

We don’t have any control over if something will happen and we also don’t have any control over people freaking-the-hell-out. Maybe if America elects the second coming of Jesus Christ (Barack Obama), he will be able to stop it. Come on, you all know we think he is!

So, sorry, but even if it’s a slight chance something will happen, it isn’t going to just go away until after the date passes. We are afraid of what we can’t understand, afterall.

Like a majority of the past major events that have put a huge damper on humanity, they were, well… created by humanity. But in the end that doesn’t really matter, does it? It is still going to come no matter if the Mayans were right about some major event happening. There are still going to be some major shifts ANYWAY because the world will be so fixated on the shitstorm to take a second and just cover their noses. It makes no sense really, to stand there in a scat porn… any sensible person would turn around and walk away. The only problem is the fact that nearly everyone is going to join in one way or another, so you can’t just turn the other cheek, so thus then, unfortunately, you’re going to have to pick who shits in your face and whose shit you smell.

I bet you at least 75% of the world that can, will stock up on bottled water and other supplies. That’s to be expected because the market is going to be wide open to capitalize on fear. Then you will have about 25% of people will get power generators, camping supplies and start mapping out places they will flee to (just in case), but mind you remember, this will happen during the height of the hype a few months beforehand.

And then, you get those people that go completely nuts. Camping out in caves two years in advance, people building new communities in some distant and empty land, mass suicides, people stocking up on porn and females, just in case something big happens, so that they can TRULY live on after billions die.

So thus- It’s coming… are you ready for the stupidity?

But what does it all really mean? In the end, if nothing happens, we will just be able to say that we were entertained by the prospect of us getting the shit owned out of us without being able to stop it. Then we can say that we (Earth) stared death down and won, and then you will get those egomaniacs that were just as much revved into the hype that say “I told you nothing would happen.”

But what if something does happen? Well the result will be practically the same. The people that survive will be able to say “I stood death in the face, and won.” And thus, you will have your egomaniacs that say, “Haha, told you so!” So either way if you’re still around after that date, it’s going to be freaking annoying.

Who knows, maybe there will be a ZOMBIE outbreak?!

However though, in all honesty, the whole “doomsday” theory isn’t what the Mayans were talking about. The Mayans say that the date will bring on great new change… but that doesn’t mean everyone is going to die. In a nutshell, they think that we will enter a new age, one of great peace and great prosperity for all humans. Honestly though, I’d put my money on doomsday happening before all of humanity joins together in harmony and sings like in the end of the Simpsons episode when they think Mr. Burns is an alien. So with that said, ultimately both scenarios are pretty much unlikely.

So you can see that it is already happening. It wasn’t an APOCALYPSE in the first place; it has been transformed into one.

Maybe both are right and it’s one of those religious prophecies… wowwy! That’s even scarier if you think about it. God will pick who lives and dies during the apocalypse… and all those who remain will join together in harmony? Just wait until those religious nuts get out there and put the doomsday theorists to shame, because these people (religious) will WANT it (doomsday) to happen.

But this is where the cynical people and the doomsday freaks (non-religious) can come together on something… after nothing happens, they can all laugh at religion and faith failing again.

Either way, see you in Northern Canada in 2012!

11 Responses to “2012. Yeah That’s Right Mofo’s, It’s Coming!”

  1. You have an interesting way of expressing a secular-religious viewpoint. You are very realistic about these things.

    If our eyes are open, we can already see the landscape is going to change. There are 50 million muslims in Europe now….and they are taking over, and they do NOT like America.

    Solar cycle 24 is beginning, which has been predicted to be more intense than cycle 23.

    earthquakes have been increasing in intensity since 1997

    And we are facing a wheat and food shortage in parts of the world because of drought, famine, politics, earthquakes, etc.

    If Obama gets in the white house, he will eliminate our nuclear weapons, so that only our enemies will have them
    This may be the scariest 50 seconds of video you’ll ever watch!!!

    So by 2012, you may be looking at an America that is not what you see today. I think if the Islamic influence continues to take over in america, you will see a lot of Jews leave and go to Israel.

    The Bible does not say the world will end , only that there will be negative earth changes and political changes that will be warnings to turn back to God for deliverance and salvation. If they refuse, they will suffer, because God will not protect them. This will be world wide, and so going to Canada will not help. But hope you make it …!!

  2. oops….here is the video of obama and nuclear weapons.


  3. Lone Wolf Says:

    Hoe many times have people predicted doomsday only for it to pass and nothing happen? Who do people pay any attention to these doomsday predictions?
    Has it occurred to any one that maybe the Mayan Calender ended in 2012 not cause it was the end of the world but cause it was so far in the future that that they saw no point in continuing there calenders beyond that?

  4. Are you not “getting” this article

  5. for some reason my links do not work….but whether someone believes in the mayan calendar or not…..we have a nuclear world…with people who want to kill everyone…..and if people believe in something…they can make it happen.-prophesy or no prophesy.

    my other comment is still waiting moderation from march 21st

  6. I approved your comment, it doesn’t make you any less of an idiot though.

  7. fractalmom Says:

    if any of you could spell correctly, you might be more believable. then is past tense. there means “over there” NOT ‘their’ which indicates ownership, or they’re which is a contraction of they are.

  8. Do you not understand this a parody site?

  9. zakkarywylde Says:

    I wrote this as a parody towards all the sides of the issue(s) with 2012. I have read up on and am interested in all of the ideas with it’s regards, but there are no religious or any other ideological beliefs that I am trying to promote. Just satirical and cynical humor.

  10. […] of digital entertainment. I must warn you however, that the events that are about to unfold are purely fictitious and not to be taken […]

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